The impact of addiction in our culture trickles down onto families. Families deal with the problem. Families have been labeled enablers. The source of enabling is much larger than families. It’s easy to get these mixed up.

This invisible cultural pattern has been happening for hundreds of years.

Unless families create protective factors from this trickle down they cannot be prepared.

Your solution starts with acceptance.

Accept that there has been trickle down that has landed on you and your family. Accept that it’s confusing. Accept that addiction could care less about your loved one or your situation.

Accept you’re on a journey, one that can rip you and your family apart. Accept that addiction manipulates your loved one’s thinking, and over time, your own.

Accept responsibility for creating protective factors from the impact of addiction trickling down onto your family. You are pivotal in the solution and the numerous decisions that will be made on this journey.

Even though you did not choose this journey, there is hope for you and your family.

Deepen your breathing. Slow yourself down. Step back. Look at how the larger picture of how the trickle down has manifested in your family. Once you accept your situation the next step is to recognize how to deal with family roles in addiction.

Recognize patterns that arise in the family because of addiction.

Your loved one struggles. Each family member has a reaction. The reaction is a strategy to cope with the external stress, the internal impact, and stay connected as a family.

Some examples of coping patterns family member may use are:

• Avoid the problem
• Help fix the problem
• Confront the problem
• Minimize the problem
• Blame another or oneself
• Engage in a similar behavior
• Distance oneself from the problem

These patterns are mostly fluid, meaning:

• You can move from one strategy of coping to another
• These roles can shift in seconds, which increases confusion
• You may see yourself in one role, while you are seen by another in a different role

Because of the level of stress and anxiety, people in each role imagine the thoughts and feelings of those in every other role, and whether it’s true or not, act on that belief. Often, there’s little agreement among family members.

Recognizing patterns around the problem expands potential solutions.

I may be living with an alcoholic, why focus on patterns?

The common way of thinking about addiction in the family is to stay focused on that one person of greatest concern. This narrow focus happens often.

However, the stage of concern provides a gap of time before crisis. Use this gap of time to learn and practice both/and thinking: starting to understand general patterns in families with addiction and the larger picture while staying engaged with your individual of concern.

Addiction plays by its own rules. Addiction could care less about your loved one. Addiction could care less about the collateral damage you and your family absorb. One part of learning the rules is to practice expanding your focus to see patterns around the problem.

I don’t see how learning about general patterns in families will help:

• Get my loved one to accept they have a problem with alcohol or drugs
• Get my loved one to take responsibility and reach out for help
• Get my loved one in treatment (self help groups, outpatient, inpatient)
• Have longterm positive outcomes for my loved one or for the healing in our family

If you’re like most people you’ll stay narrowly focused on your loved one, continue your strategy and try it over and over. Getting your loved one help is important. But so are you. Both.

Addiction and addiction solutions as “normal” may likely minimize your role, your influence and your families ability to heal. It only takes one person to start the process of healing.

When you loved one sees and experiences you making changes, it can catch their attention.

When you don’t actively pursue both: your wellbeing and your loved one’s, you are headed for burnout, an eventual stress-related illness, or perhaps cutting your loved one out of your family.

Best case scenario is you have a guide who helps with:

• Coach you through any chaos in your immediate situation
• Teach skills that you can begin to apply yourself
• Stays connected with you over time while you practice
• Continues to connect you with resources that meet your needs

Worst case scenario is that you believe that to fix the problem, your only solution is to get your loved one to change their behavior.

Without compassion and a guide you may be headed for one crisis after another.

Online Concern group provides structure, connection and natural opportunities for skill building.

The structure of the online groups starts with opportunities for you to navigate the continuum between anonymity and openly sharing who you are and details you wish to share about your situation.

All of the groups provide opportunities for you to learn and practice:

• Building trust
• Boundaries
• Communication skills
• Conflict resolution skills
• Problem solving skills

These skills can be implement into your family when you choose.

Frequency

The Concern group will meet online 2 time a week for an hour. Half of the time will be spent with an opening, check in time, and content delivery. The other half of the time is for sharing, relative to the topic, what worked and didn’t, reflections, question time, and coaching.

The Concern group increases your skills in navigating (potential, early stage) addiction.

Intention of the group: you making the best decision for yourself!

Here’s an example of topics:

• Self assess your immediate next step needs
• Why you concern is not their concern
• Your thinking can contribute to both the problem and solution
• Address your concern so it’s heard

If your concern turns out to be early stage addiction, now’s the time to act. Take it seriously.

You have two choices: an online group or individual coaching.