Environment most Frequented Impacts Thinking about Addiction and Solutions:

• People that surround you, influence your thinking
• Places frequented, influences your thinking
• Media seen/heard, influences your thinking

You’ve learned that there are multiple cultural messages that influence thinking about addiction.

You’ve learned that different message increase the challenge for family solutions.

Impact to you and others around the addiction disruption:

• Unpredictability and increased potential for unexpected chaos around you
• Addiction amplifies thinking distortions of people around the epicenter
• Communication patterns become wonky
• Nervous system activation from the chaos/crisis of addiction is normal
• Differences in strategies arise out of nervous system activation

You’ve learned about statistics from addiction on a national, state, and community level.

You’ve learned that everyone has impact from addiction.

You’re in a stage of integrating what you’ve learned:

• Thinking and feeling drive taking action
• Families take action by increasing protective factors

Thinking and feeling drive taking action

• Belief systems from the past drive our thinking
• Thinking drives our taking action
• Feelings about our situation reinforce old beliefs
• When we don’t see the belief system cycle, change is difficult

Families take action by increasing protective factors

• Awareness of structural areas in family where protective factors can be increased
• Incremental steps to tighten the structure
  • Connection with self/other/family/community
  • Decision making process (self/other/family)
  • Style of communication (self/other/family)
  • Conflict styles (self/other/family)
  • Boundaries (self/other/family)
• There is no one single way towards families increasing protective factors

You know that family change starts with one person:

• Different roles and strategies are a necessary response to addiction
• Moving from understanding to action to healing
• But all families with addiction have commonalities

Different roles and strategies are a necessary response to addiction:

• Strategies used to cope
• Strategies used to problem solve
• Strategies used to stay connected as a family
• Strategies used to compensate for the addiction

You’ve learned the different roles in the spotlight diagram, become curious about how they’ve played out in your family, learned some new skills and started to practice them.

You’ve learned that the roles in orange are prone to automatically imagining the thoughts and feelings of others. You’ve learned that each role does not check to see if what they are imaging is accurate, but they follow their impulse and take action on limited info and believe it’s reality.

You’re starting to see and experience some of the challenges and blessing from practicing what you’ve learned.

Moving from understanding to action to healing:

Each role in the spotlight diagram can shift, integrate new skills and proactively create new conditions with increased protective factors in the family structure.

• “Similar Behaviors” strategy shifts by looking their own coping behaviors
• “Avoid” strategy shifts by engaging in conversation about problems/solutions
• “Blame” strategy shifts by looking at their relationship with anger
• “Help” strategy shifts by clarifying when and how they take responsibility
• “Distance” strategy shifts with interest and engagement in the family situation

Transformation is possible in any of these roles, however the roles in orange, which are the most active in chaos, can be the most active in the change process.

• “Individual of Concern” becomes the Creator
• “Blame” becomes the Challenger
• “Help” becomes the Coach

But all families with addiction have commonalities:

• Families want to get their loved one help and know the challenges
• Families are at some stage of a journey they did not choose to be on
• Each family member can:
  • Question their internal impulses or first thought
  • Be curious about how their boundaries are serving them or not
  • Be curious about what level of trust with others in their family would be optimal
  • Be curious about communication patterns in the family that are helpful (or not)
  • Be curious about how decisions are made in the family and how that works for them
  • Be curious how conflict is resolved or not in the family
• Multiple people taking action have greater impact

Families with an addicted loved one have been in a situation beyond their ability to healthfully cope. The family’s taking action is their attempt to stay connected to a loved one in some stage of addiction/recovery, which in some circumstances is extraordinarily difficult.

It’s ideal that a family have a guide and engage in a process of practicing their own solutions. Multiple people in the family onboard with the same info, becoming curious, learning new skills, and taking coordinated action move themselves towards Whole Family Healing.

But with one to two people in the family engaged, the online Integrate group will help you navigate present moment situations, build resiliency, as well as “plant seeds” to move towards Whole Family Healing.

Online Integrate group provides structure, connection with likeminded others, natural opportunities for skill building, and practice

The structure of the online groups starts with opportunities for you to navigate the continuum between anonymity and openly sharing who you are and details you wish to share about your situation.

The structure supports you to self select what is most appropriate for you. You can start with anonymity and can move to openly sharing details of your situation. You will have choice each step of the way. The online groups are not facebook groups.

All of the groups provide opportunities for you to learn and practice:

• Building trust
• Boundaries
• Communication skills
• Conflict resolution skills
• Problem solving skills

 

These are all skills you can implement into your family when you choose.

The objective of the Integrate group is to support you, over time, integrating what you have learned into your family. Recovery is a process of ups and downs. The Integrate group supports you navigating those times.

It’s great if you’ve been to a treatment center’s family program, but expecting that you’ll implement what you’ve learned in the moment of duress isn’t always realistic. It takes time to integrate what you’ve learned.

Be proactive, have a support system, and be a part of the support system of other likeminded people.

There will be less chance of relapse, less division, less conflict when you are practicing new skills and integrating them when it’s most difficult.  You increase your family’s ability to communicate, make decisions together, and create a family plan.

The Integrate group will meet online twice a week for an hour. Half of the time will be spent with an opening, check in’s, and specific content delivery. The other half of the time is for group members to share what has worked and relative to the topic, what hasn’t worked. It’s a time to ask questions, get coaching, and if you like, ask for an accountability buddy from the group.

Here’s an example of topics

• Their change / Your change
• Decision making in the process of a loved one’s recovery
• Creating a family plan
• Clarifying your family’s criteria for best decision making
• Suggestions on structure for organizing a family meetings
• “Planting seeds” for Whole Family Healing

 

In the Integrate group you’ll learn why the treatment center’s family groups and program are important to prioritize and attend. You’ll have a sounding board that reinforces what you’ve learned in family groups, reinforces your integrating new skills, and supports you doing everything you can to insure your loved one’s recovery success.

The same behaviors you used to help get your loved one into treatment may be an obstacle at this stage. If just one person (your loved one in treatment) is the only person making change your loved one has a greater chance of relapse, or they need to draw a boundary from their family.

The Integrate group supports you creating conditions in your family to best support your loved one’s longterm recovery success.

You have two choices: schedule a call with me about your interest in the online group or individual coaching.