You have a method for solving problems. We all do. But intervening with addiction with general problem-solving skills rarely works, at least not long term. Addiction plays by its own rules.

It’s ideal that you share your concerns with your loved one, they hear it and reach out for help. But this hasn’t worked. When you accept that what you are doing is not working, you are freed to try another approach. Not the same approach in a louder voice, but a new approach.

The point is that when you don’t recognize what is not working, nothing changes. When nothing changes, nothing changes. Ideally, you lead the change of your loved one by changing first.

Quality of connection

Your loved one has an internal conflict. After an argument, they say they will make a change. You expect them to do what they say. But they don’t, and they don’t acknowledge they didn’t do what they said.

You have a choice. You can initiate a conversation that acknowledges the contradiction in their words and actions, or avoid it.

• You initiating a conversation increases the potential for more conflict
• You avoiding a conversation enables a pattern of incongruence

Either way, there are consequences to your actions.

Like a snake, addiction winds its way between you and your loved one

• You recognize the decline in connection
• You have feelings about the decline
• You care about the relationship and your connection
• You recognize you care about them more than they care about themself

Slowly, you are relating more and more to addiction, and less and less to your loved one. You may not even realize the change, but you feel it.

There are 3 things to be aware of:

• The impact to your loved one who is at the epicenter of the addiction disruption
• The impact to you from the addiction disruption
• Making decisions that minimize the disruption and lead to healing

The impact to your loved one who is at the epicenter of the addiction disruption

It’s natural for individuals in addiction to mistakenly think that just stopping the use of a substance or behavior solves the problem. It does not.

The substance or behavior was, in some way a solution:

• To cope with an underlying problem or stressor
• To numb difficult feelings
• To address a low self image
• To address a negative identity
• To address painful feelings of isolation or a lack of belonging

Just stopping the substance or behavior doesn’t work long term because the substance or behavior eliminates their solution:

• They feel the weight of the problem or stressor
• They feel difficult feelings full-force
• They feel the low self image or negative identity

Stopping the substance or behavior may temporarily solve the obvious problem, but the underlying problem continues. With no new solution to cope with the underlying problem, the individual who stopped is at risk.

Bottom line: They feel more shame with no new coping skills to manage it.

So they go back to the old strategy. They connect to what numbs the pain—the addiction.

The addiction disruption impacts you and your family

Families follow a similar trajectory of thinking.

It’s natural for families to focus all their attention on getting their loved one to change and to think that their loved one stopping a substance or behavior solves the problem.

If the use behind the addiction does stop, it’s often temporary. The family mistakenly believes they can go back to normal. But “normal” was the conditions in which the addiction emerged.

When the conditions around the problem have not changed there is:

• Increased potential for relapse
• Increased potential for disconnection
• Increased potential for misunderstanding to result in conflict
• No good system to communication

Focusing all attention on your loved one’s change has consequences. Minimizing the potential for success is one of them.

The family’s style of coping over time with addiction creates an underlying fabric of connections that contributes to how family looks, feels and functions. Family relationship connections have been about coping with addiction.

Ideally, you want to recognize what does not work and make change, which begins to change the underlying fabric, which increases protective factors

Recognizing what works and does not work

Two podcast interviews emphasize recognizing what does and does not work and making change. The podcast interview with Maureen Cavanagh and Lynda Hacker Araoz. Maureen is the author of “If You Love Me: A Mother’s Journey Through Her Daughter Opioid Addiction” she tells the story of her daughter in and out of 40 rehabs. Lynda, the author of “The Weight of a Feather: A Mother’s Journey Through the Opiates Addiction Crisis,” shares a similar story.

Both stories are confirmation of the challenges of helping a child out of opioid addiction.

Maureen Cavanagh’s interview: http://hpi.gya.temporary.site/2018/10/10/maureen-cavanaugh-if-you-love-me-a-mothers-journey/

Lynda Hacker Araoz’s interview: http://hpi.gya.temporary.site/2018/10/09/lynda-hacker-araoz-mothers-journey/

Ideally, recognizing the nuances of multiple factors and tweaking your own response to your loved one will become your new hobby. However, this isn’t possible for everyone. Your situation may have been going of for years and it is not dire.

One question is, is hiring an interventionist right for you or not?

Professional Intervention Models to get your loved one into treatment

Because few services exist to support families early in the addiction process, families deal with addiction alone until they can’t take it any longer. Professional interventionists are available to help a family get their loved one or Individual of Concern (IOC) into inpatient treatment.

Surprise Model (Johnson model)

In the 1950’s, Vernon Johnson, an Episcopal priest, created the Johnson model of intervention. He devoted his life to the study of addiction and methods that could be used to stop addiction before death occurred. This model emphasizes  surprise and uses family relationships as leverage. Family members are instructed to write a letter that clearly states what behavior is of most concern, how they have been impacted, what they’re requesting their loved one  do, and clear consequences if they choose not to. The consequences are increased boundaries (such as, you are no longer welcome to see my children) and potential cutoff (such as, never contact me again).

If the one who is being intervened upon did not comply with the request to get treatment, the family was instructed to stand firm with their consequences, often cutting them off. This method aligns with our cultural history with addiction that attempts to use shame and punishment to get good behavior. “Four decades of research have failed to yield a single clinical trial showing efficacy of confrontational methods.” Confrontation is embedded in our cultural history and even today in our thinking.

http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/pr/2007ConfrontationinAddictionTreatment.pdf

With the surprise model, trauma to everyone is a potential consequence. In his book “Love First,” Jeff Jay modernized and morphed the model to emphasize love. This model aligns with old thinking, “iust getting the individual to stop solves the problem,” which increases the potential for relapse, disconnection, and conflict in the family. But again, the focus is on getting the individual with addiction into treatment.

At best, the treatment includes a family program that expands the perspective of the family and helps to shift their thinking from “an individual problem with an individual solution” to the understanding that the family has coped and compensated for addiction, which influenced the fabric of connections.

At worst, the intervention reinforces old thinking and increases shame, which cements old patterns and belief systems that minimizes the potential of longterm healing and encourages addiction and defensive coping to trickle down the generations.

Invitational Model

In the mid 1980’s, Judith Landau and Jim Garrett brought together their wealth of experience to create the ARISE model of intervention—a series of family meetings the Individual of Concern (IOC) is invited to. The model has three levels aimed at first getting the IOC into treatment and then shifting to a whole family focus of healing. The family comes together to address the IOC’s problem and as they learn about addiction in the family, ideally they are motivated to learn how they can address patterns over time.

The model gradually progresses to level three, which is similar to Jeff Jay’s model above, so the potential for trauma is reduced.

From these two models, numerous approaches to intervention evolved.

Finding the right intervention model and interventionist

You’ll want to talk to multiple interventionists. Don’t assume that you know intervention because of watching television. Ask specific questions. Learn about how they see an optimal intervention for your specific situation.

Know there is quite a range of background experiences and expertise that different interventionists bring to the process. They have different backgrounds, beliefs, and styles. Find what works for you.

Optimally, you want to have multiple conversations and be prepared with your questions.

One way to use the time well is to fill out the Family Recovery Summary and send it to each interventionist you’d like to interview. Filling out the summary is helpful for three reasons:

• Filling out this form will require a shift into your left brain, your thinking brain
• Filling out this form will require you to review your situation in detail (attach the pdf here or in a sidebar or box close by)

Send the summary to the interventionist before you talk with them. Rather than explaining your story from the beginning each time, your free phone call can be more about you asking questions that help you determine what interventionist is a best fit for you.

Here’s some sample questions:

• From what you’ve read in my Family Recovery Summary, what model of intervention would you recommend? Why?
• What treatment centers do you recommend and why?
• From what you’ve read in my Family Recovery Summary, what would the process look like?
• What is your experience working with situations like mine?
• How many interventions have you done?
• What happens if my loved one refuses to go to treatment?
• Why did you start doing intervention?
• How much do you charge?

Ask the same questions.  Take notes. How do you feel when you’re talking with them?

Of course, in the Intervene group, we’ll have conversations about how to create a personalized list of criteria so you can decide if you want to hire an interventionist or not, and if so, find the best interventionist for your situation.

To start your personalized list of criteria fill out the summary and consider factors that contribute to an individual or family being vulnerable to addiction.

If you decide to hire an interventionist, please do not assume that just getting your loved one into treatment will solve the problem.

Money is a criteria for everyone

Know that there are interventionists who work for treatment centers. Know that there are interventionists who take kickbacks for placing clients, and there are interventionists who are independent and help the family find treatment that best meets their criteria.

Check out this list of independent interventionists – http://independentinterventionists.com/member-list

Fill out the Family Recovery Summary to save yourself time and get more information from your first phone call. Click here: Family Recovery Summary

Whether you decide to hire an interventionist or not, know that there are many decisions to be made in this journey. Having a guide and staying connected to other likeminded people can support you making best decisions for you.

Making the decision is only a first step. You will live with the consequences over time.

No lasting behavioral change happens w/o brain change. No lasting brain change happens w/o behavioral change. In other words, change doesn’t happen just by reading some good, interesting info. You need to practice it and integrate it.

At the bottom of this page you can sign up for a group to help you learn, practice, and integrate the new behaviors.

Online Intervene group provides structure, connection with likeminded others, natural opportunities for skill building, and decision making

The structure of the online groups starts with opportunities for you to navigate the continuum between anonymity and openly sharing who you are and details you wish to share about your situation.

The structure supports you to self select what is most appropriate for you. You can start with anonymity and can move to openly sharing details of your situation. You will have choice each step of the way. The online groups are not facebook groups.

All of the groups provide opportunities for you to learn and practice:

• Building trust
• Boundaries
• Communication skills
• Conflict resolution skills
• Problem solving skills

These are all skills you can implement into your family when you choose.

The objective of the Intervene group is to get clear on your criteria to make best decision  about how best for you to intervene, structure conversations, explore the idea of professional intervention models and, if needed get you connected with an interventionist that meets your goals.

The Intervene group will meet online 3 times a week for an hour. Half of the time will be spent with an opening, check in’s, and specific content delivery on a 12 week rotation. The other half of the time is for group members to share what has worked and not relative to the topic, reflections, questions and coaching.

Here’s an example of topics:

• Learn different strategies to intervene with and without an interventionist
• Learn how to choose an interventionist that is right for you
• Learn the power of a recovery message and how best to use it
• Find your criteria to choose an intervention team (family and friends)

Get out of the circular pattern of Crisis, Intervene. . . Worry, Concern and back to Crisis. You have influence.

You have two choices: an online group or individual coaching.

If you’re thinking about how you intervene after a crisis or you’re thinking about hiring a professional interventionist, this may be the group for you. Check out the communication guidelines which contributes to the structure of optimal mutual support, optimal self empowered decision making and navigating towards solutions that align with your beliefs, situation, and future goals. Communication Guidelines

Contact me: If you have a question feel free to email me at jeff@thefamilyrecoverysolution.com (put “Intervene group in the subject line), or schedule a time to chat. https://meetme.so/jeffjones