Learning how to de-escalate crises is crucial. But unless you and your family have been through this enough to have a unified response, it’s not reality to expect the crisis to be handled well. Be gentle with yourself!

Safety First:

Optimally, the family has a plan that guides a unified response to address warning signs. In reality, the culture does not reinforce crisis planning. Right now, it’s up to you.

• Be aware of your own response to crisis
• Be informed about potential risks and how best to manage them
• Be connected and engaged with your loved one’s habits (schedule and routine)
• Be skillful in strengthening behaviors that deescalate crisis

In the heat of a crisis, the best you can do without a plan is manage your nervous system. Crisis disrupts the collective nervous system of the family structure. De-escalate the collective nervous system, and you’ll likely make better decisions about the crisis. Your mind may focus on stories, which results in an escalated nervous system. Shift your thinking.

In one concise sentence, write down what happened. With bullet points, write down the people, organizations, and factors involved.
Community Support: Factors that Contribute to Your Solution Crisis may have triggered a community response:
• Police/criminal justice
• Hospital
• School
• Workplace

There may be an enforcement/accountability process external to the family. It is not your responsibility to help your loved one meet those requirements. If the crisis did not trigger a community response:
• Reach out for relevant information specific to your crisis
• Focus on information that helps prevent another crisis
• Began building a support network.

You feel alone, but it takes a village.

You are the change agent. You are the only one who can reach out.

The goal is to create safety in your family by:
• Increase protective factors that deescalate the collective nervous system of the family
• Increase structural elements in family relationships that increase safety
• Reach out to community agencies/groups/individuals that support safety in your family

Learn about what underlies the crisis. Learn about addiction. Without reaching out and educating yourself, you remain isolated. Suffering alone contributes to burnout, which means you have less capacity to take steps to prepare while being present to your loved one’s process.
The trickle-down of cultural shame and stigma slowly eats away at you.

In the family, look at routines, habits, rules, and your relationship with your loved one. Increasing protective factors, like family routines and rules, are a loud message to your loved one (IOC) to change their behavior.

Without reaching out and educating yourself, you remain isolated. The trickle-down of cultural shame and stigma slowly eat away at you

To learn more about drug/alcohol trends in your community contact your Public Health department. Drug/alcohol problems and addiction overwhelm our communities, some have very few services. Being proactive and self advocating will serve you well. Suffering alone contributes to burnout, which means you have less capacity to be present to your loved one’s process.

Consider Your Relationship and Connection with Your Loved One Addiction increases stress and anxiety in the family. Crisis happens.

Crisis triggers a series of events:
• The collective nervous system of the family is activated
• Individuals try different strategies to help and cope
• Coping roles become overwhelmed
• Disorganized individual strategies increase confusion

Relational damage results. Your loved one’s addiction is their method of coping. Actually, everyone has some level of distress and finds a way to cope and manage it. In an ideal world, your loved one, the individual of concern (IOC), understands they’ve crossed a line, are at the epicenter of disruption, and need to make a change. But it’s not likely your loved one will recognize the problem, and they need to make a change.

In the real world, addiction has distorted their thinking and doesn’t allow them to fully own their contribution to the crisis. Addiction is not willingly going to “roll over.” You’re probably wondering how you can best be helpful. First, look at your relationship with the
Individual of Concern (IOC).

Ideally, your loved one (IOC) understands they’ve crossed a line; they’re at the epicenter of disruption, and they need to make a change. But addiction doesn’t allow them to own their contribution to the crisis fully.

You’re probably wondering how you can best be helpful. First, look at your relationship.

Who is the Individual of Concern (IOC)?

A Child Under 18 (click here)

A Young Adult Over 18 (click here)

A Significant Other (click here)

A Sibling (click here)

A Parent (click here)

A Grand Parent (click here)

A Friend (click here)

Summary

Crisis disrupts the collective nervous system of the family structure.

Increasing family safety begins by increasing structure in the family. Optimally, families recognize early warning signs, reach out to community agencies, self help groups (like Al Anon) and local resources.

Although it’s optimal that a family have a plan, assessing severity, factors that have contributed to the crisis, factors that contribute to the solution, and your relationship with your loved one supports you managing future crisis that arises.

Traditional thinking about addiction hasn’t gotten in front of the rate at which addiction occurs. The trickle down of cultural challenge falls onto families. They’re unprepared. The cultural trickle down is not their fault.

Our communities are overwhelmed with addiction.

You need to be proactive, strongly advocate for services, and consider a deeper connection with your loved one.

Are you saying, a deeper connection with my loved one will get them to go into treatment?

Perhaps, but it’s unrealistic to expect you can get your loved into treatment with one good conversation. However you relate to them does impact their relationship with their addiction and perhaps willingness to go into treatment.

As a family member, you will have feelings and emotions. It’s optimal that you redirect old automatic coping strategies (example: those labeled enabling, codependent, denial).

What’s helpful is for you to deepen your connection with yourself. When you do, your interactions with your loved one come from a place of empowerment.

Addiction is not for the faint of heart. If you are not proactive, addiction will beat you down and keep you stuck.

Let’s look at addiction in the family as an opportunity to grow.

But They Caused the Problem. They Need to Fix it.

Cultural conditioning is “they caused the problem and they need to fix it.” However, this is not the complete story.

We may mistakenly believe there’s one cause for the addiction and there’s one solution. This thinking has marginalized families from being a stronger part of the solution for centuries.

When we look at addiction through a contributing factors lens we see that there are many potentials factors that contribute to either reinforcing a lifestyle of addiction or a lifestyle of recovery.

Cause and effect thinking limits family from being a stronger part of the solution.

Changing Anything Right Now Feels Overwhelming to Me

I get it. You’ve just been through crisis with your loved one. Of course, you feel overwhelmed.

Consider creating a schedule with activities and resources that support you lowering your nervous system. If you cannot, you may be part of the problem. Your nervous system either contributes to stabilizing your family, or reinforcing chaotic energy in the family.

Reach out and get help for yourself: crisis hotline, self help groups, a therapist. Addiction is not just a problem to fix. Prepare yourself for the journey.

The longer you wait, the fewer the options. What options seem like a best fit for you?

• Recovery coach (become stronger in interactions, guidance to safety)
• Therapist (crisis orientation, a therapist who doesn’t label you)
• Self help groups (Al Anon, SMART recovery family and friends, etc)
• See the Intervene section on this website: https://thefamilyrecoverysolution.com/
  intervene/
• Professional Intervention (scan through the link above)
  • Network of Independent: interventionists-http://www.independentinterventionists.com/member-list
• Coaching with Jeff: https://www.thefamilyrecoverysolution.com/about