Hope by itself won’t do. But when you couple hope with knowledge and an actionable plan you have a method to address what you’re worried about. Solutions start with you understanding warning signs of early stage addiction.

The next step is recognizing your own reactions to early warning signs. Recognize your own  behavior. Why? Because addiction loves chaos and may suck you in.

You’ll learn to be prepared for addiction’s saying one thing and doing another, “picking a fight,” blaming you, and leaving you feeling crazy. You’ll learn that you have most influence when you keep calm.

You’ll learn that without a change of course, warning signs build and become addiction. In time, the problem you see now may require outside help. It may rip your family apart, or both.

You are a big part of the solution.

It’s not my fault. I don’t want to be a part of the solution.

You are so right, it’s not your fault! However, even though you didn’t sign up for this journey, you can have support to step into responsibility-able to respond from a position of strength.

If what you’re seeing is early warning signs of addiction, it will slowly demand more of your attention. Actually, the demand is for you to go deep inside yourself and get very clear about what you value in your relationship with your loved one. But first you get very honest with yourself. You start by fully accepting your situation.

I’m not sure if it’s addiction or not? I don’t want to start an argument by talking about it.

I understand your concern; I don’t want you to start an argument. Many arguments have started with abrupt questions and judgments about the questionable behavior of another.

Slower is faster. Instead of abrupt questions to change another, start by changing the structure and context around you and your loved one.

One way to change structure is to change communication patterns. Suggest a time to check in with one another each week. The weekly check in provides assurance there will be a time to express observations and feelings in the relationship.

Structure the check in. Each of you take turns sharing. Here’s an example for both to express:

• Appreciations or gratitudes in our lives together
• Obstacles or challenges in our relationship/communication
• Ideas to best address the challenges

Having a specific time to talk, provides predictability, creates a safe space for communication and gives both people the confidence they will not get broadsided between meetings.

I don’t want to change anything right now.

Fair enough. You know your situation; I don’t. I do know that you are here looking at this page. So there’s at least a small part of you that is curious if what you’re seeing is a problem or not.

If you are willing to try something new, try writing your own appreciations and challenges several times a week. You’ll accumulate data that supports clarity of your situation.

Another small change that only involves you, is to make small notes on a physical calendar.

• An arrow pointing up = your loved one ___ (example: they drank)
• Down arrow pointing down = your loved one didn’t drink
• Arrow to the side = I’m not sure

It is common knowledge that addiction impairs the brain and thinking of one in addiction. Less known is that addiction will manipulate your thinking as well. Data collected over time provides one piece of objective criteria for your own best decision making.

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

The Online Worry group provides structure, connection, ideas and group coaching.

The structure of the online groups allow you to navigate the continuum between anonymity and openly sharing details you wish to share about your situation.

You can start with anonymity and can move to openly sharing at your pace. You have choice each step of the way. The online groups are not facebook groups.

All of the groups provide opportunities for you to learn and practice skills you can implement into your family when you choose:

• Building trust
• Boundaries
• Communication skills
• Conflict resolution skills
• Problem solving skills

The objective of the Worry group is to understand addiction, know what contributes to an environment where addiction thrives and what makes it difficult to thrive, understand how to best use your relationship to stay connected with your loved one, and ideally inspire action that best addresses your worry.

The Worry group will meet online 1 time a week for an hour. Half of the time will be spent with an opening, check in time, and content delivery. The other half of the time is for group members to share what has worked and not relative to the topic, reflections, questions and coaching.

Here’s an example of topics:

• Addiction defined: warning signs, and potential actions when recognized
• Learn the connection between mindset and your ability to navigate challenge
• Learn how you can prevent little problems from becoming bigger

Ideally, the worry would take care of itself. Realistically, it’s not likely.

Stay engaged. Gather objective data over time. Gain clarity. Design a plan. Take action.

You start the change you wish to see.

You have two choices: an online group or individual coaching.

If you’re interested in the Worry group, check out the communication guidelines which contributes to the structure of optimal mutual support, optimal self empowered decision making and navigating towards solutions that align with your beliefs, situation, and future goals. Communication Guidelines

Are you wondering if this group is right for your situation? Let us know of your interest by sending an email to jeff@thefamilyrecoverysolution.com. We’ll be scheduling the start of the next Worry group soon.